Awakening the Wolf Read online

  The flames had formed shackles around her arms and legs, pinning her in place. She tried to stay calm, but the oxygen was being sucked from her lungs. It seemed Illiana was dying. It was all she could do to hold on to her consciousness. Black spots appeared before her eyes. When she tried to sink to her knees, the fire held her up. Terror set in and pushed her heart into overdrive. When she thought she would be completely sucked under, the fire had parted and was not burning her.

  “You have passed the test. All fire spirits will know you now. The air can witness if there is any doubt.” The voice died, and the pressure left her body.

  Illiana stepped from the fire, and Coret grabbed her. Once she stepped from the blaze, she felt the air return to cool and calm her. Her aunt led her to the shade and offered her a dipper of water she pulled from a rain barrel. All Illiana could taste was the freshness of the water and how crisp it was.

  “Are you all right?” her aunt asked.

  Illiana ran her fingers over her wrist where the fire had touched her. There was a raised scar that had not been there before. When she listened, she heard the fire whispering to her, but it was mostly babbling until she focused on it. The air wrapped around her, hugging her, but the rest of her was not burned—not even her clothing. She shivered and smiled, knowing she had gone through another test and she had passed it. The next thing was to see if she could hold onto her wolf form and learn to shift into it with the same ease she had with her raven form. By accepting the fire, she had claimed another part of herself.

  “Yeah, I’m okay.”

  “What was that all about?”

  Illiana smiled at her aunt as she felt the heat of the fire spirit spark within her. “Trial by fire.”

  “I figured that, but why?”

  “The fire isn’t like the air. Air is all one big spirit—so big I can’t hear its voice—but the fire is different. It’s composed of smaller spirits that fight for dominance. When they work together, they become this whole other entity with one voice. When I was talking with them before, trying to get them to cooperate with me, I was only talking to some of the smaller ones within the whole. The element has something to do with the wolf, too. But I saw it, the wolf.”

  Coret shook her head and had an astonished look on her face.

  “What?”

  “I can’t believe how strong you are. You really should train for the priesthood because if people get wind of this, I’m not sure what they would do. If you were in the priesthood, then they could not touch you. If someone ever discovers this is all a farce, what you really are, then I don’t know how they would react.”

  “Was that the reason why my father left . . . because he was different?” Illiana asked. She took another sip of water before standing up. More and more she had begun to wonder exactly why her father had left.

  Coret shook her head. “I’m sorry. There are many things you need to talk to your mother about. That is one of them.”

  “What are the other ones?”

  “You have to ask your mother those questions. I think she’d be the best one to answer them.” Coret stood up and brushed herself off.

  “Where are you going?” Illiana asked.

  “It’s late, and I think you’ve done enough for one day.”

  “I thought you said you wanted me to try again and transform into the wolf?”

  “I do. Why not get some rest and try tomorrow? There is time. And your mother is worried about you. Go home and talk to her.”

  Illiana nodded. She watched her aunt’s form shrink and change into the raven. When she disappeared from sight, Illiana stood and dusted off her dress. The weight of the day piled on her shoulders, and the news of Christopher’s mating swam inside her thoughts. She turned it over and over again, wondering how or when she would confront him again. It would have to be soon and when he was alone.

  * * * *

  Belik kept to the shadows the way he had over the past three months, watching Illiana. After their initiation, he tried to see her. He had gone to her house once a day. Most of the time Illiana was not there and Lelana promised she would return. Other times when Illiana was at home, she would not see him. But those instances were few and far between. His father told him to give up. Of course that was what he wanted. He did not understand that Belik was not going to abandon his hope of having Illiana for a mate. Every time he thought of her and saw her, it stirred his desire and nothing else mattered. Every thought he had was focused on how to win her. She was the kind of woman for whom material things did no justice. She needed something else, a show of devotion that would make her realize he was the only one for her. When he reached that understanding, he realized that he really did not know Illiana that well. After trying to ask her mother about her, he came up empty-handed. Lelana had told him if he wanted to get to court Illiana, then he had to ask her things directly. She had more important things than becoming a go-between.

  So after a month of getting nowhere, Belik decided he had to approach Illiana another way. One night while he was on his way to try again, he saw her slip away from the aerie. At first he did not think about following her, figured that she was going out to fly, but she did not disrobe. Instead, she walked the whole way, moving between branches and bridges that connected the village. Then she was gone. The next night she did the same thing. On the third night he wondered if she was going off to meet her wolf friend. Maybe they were having a tryst and she did not want anyone else to know about it. Of course if anyone did find out about it, then Illiana could be exiled from the flock entirely. He had only ever heard of that happening once before, and it was hushed about within the flock. Belik had shivered to think about it. However, he decided it was time for him to follow her. If there was any impropriety, he decided he was going to watch out for her. Belik had slipped off his clothes and was flying over the trees. He followed her to their sacred grounds and saw her meeting with her aunt.

  After three months’ worth of watching her during the night, he was becoming a little sleep-deprived. It did not matter. Once he discovered her routine was learning with her aunt, he figured she was training for the priesthood. That did not change his feelings about her. It only intensified them. Priestesses were allowed to mate if they wanted, but some of them did stay solitary. Belik never truly understood the faith the ravens believed in, but he knew there was something more. He prayed that Illiana would wish to share her life with him.

  After all the observing he had done and what he could hear, he learned she was trying to take control of something else inside of her. Another element that she had access to, but during all the times she had tried, she could not get the hang of it. Tonight was different. The bonfire she had built rose higher and higher the more she stared at it. Sparks floated along the breeze, and the scent of cedar reached him in the trees. Belik watched her step into the flames. A caw escaped his beak that he could not stop. The terror that possessed him almost forced him to drive into the clearing below and interrupt the ritual. Coret screamed at Illiana to get out of the fire. But a miracle happened. The flames surrounded her until she was completely covered. For what seemed like an eternity, his heart threatened to escape his chest. The fire turned white instead of orange, with the tops burning blue. When he thought Illiana might be burned alive, the bonfire died down. Illiana stumbled out of the fire, and her aunt caught her. Seeing her come out of the flames set his heart to a normal pace. However, it only made her more mysterious. It also opened his heart so that he was not going to give up on her. The fire had bathed her. He knew that someone or something had accepted her. It also cinched something in his mind. He was not going to wait any longer.

  Tonight Illiana would become his. He was not going to take no for an answer. Belik was not sure how she was going to react to him. Probably not too well if he told her the truth, but he did not want to lie to her. He puffed up his chest and fluffed his feathers. He prayed that she would accept him. He was not sure what she would say. If Illiana rejected him, then he was not
sure what he would do. There were other girls who had shown interest in him, but he had never thought about them for mating. Maybe he could be happy with one of them. Belik pushed the idea from his thoughts and concentrated on flying faster because he had lost sight of Illiana. If she disappeared, then he did not know if he would ever get up the courage to do it again. As he wove through the branches, he pulled his wings closer and dove further to the ground. When he did, he caught sight of Illiana; his emotions were bolstered, and he knew it was all going to be okay.

  Chapter Five

  The sounds of the night enveloped Illiana as she walked. Crickets chirped, and a few deer roamed among the trees. It was dangerous for deer since they could end up being dinner for the wolves. Thoughts whirled around in her mind of everything that had happened. The night grew cold, but she did not. The fire seemed to live inside of her, and if she needed, she could pull on the warmth to keep her from freezing. It was several miles by foot back to the nests, and she did not care to fly, but she needed to have the earth beneath her feet. The longer she walked, the more the urge to run on all fours crept up on her. Even then it was not complete. She yearned to be nearer to the ground and chasing the animals. But it was not a good idea to take the wolf form right then in case others were looking. So she kept on two feet. A few leaves twirled through the air, dropping from the canopy above, and settled on her hair. The hair on the back of her head stood up. It seemed as if she was being watched. When Illiana glanced at the trees, there were no eyes staring at her, but that did not mean members of the flock were not spying on her. They could be soundless as any good hunter, the same way the wolves were.

  A breeze stirred her hair. Illiana stopped and listened. It was faint, but she heard a twig snap. She paused. It would be miles yet before she got to the copse of trees where the aeries were located and fanned out from the center of the great tree there. She was nowhere near the wolves’ village, so it could be anything or anyone. Taking a deep breath, she then kept on walking and swallowed the little bit of fear creeping up on her. The moon gave off little light. Another crack of the underbrush echoed through the wood. The air wound around her arm and jerked her off balance. Illiana caught herself and got the message it was trying to warn her of something. Someone was following her.

  Illiana slipped behind a tree and waited. She heard a footstep this time, the slight crunching of the dry leaves underfoot. Whoever was after her was trying to be silent, a dutiful hunter, but they were not doing a very good job of it. She counted her breaths, waited a few seconds, and then stepped out from behind the tree.

  “Why are you following me?” she snapped.

  Belik stopped and nearly ran into her. “I’m sorry. I-I’ve wanted to talk to you.”

  “Why would you want to talk to me?” The fury she felt building inside of her seemed to flame the fire spirit she had taken inside of her. The man before her had been trying to speak to her for the three months since their initiation. Illiana had put him off because she was so focused on meeting with Coret and figuring out the other side of her. When she was not home, her mother would tell her that Belik had been by. He certainly was persistent.

  He put up his hands and tried to placate her. “I’ve been trying to get your attention ever since the initiation ceremony. Don’t you know that I want to be with you? You know I’ve been coming to your aerie to try and speak with you.”

  Illiana knew she could not get away from him. She would have to finally face him. If he was not giving up, then there had to be something behind his visitations. “Why would you want to be with me, Belik? No one from the flock has ever wanted to be with me. They all think I’m a freak. Why would you think any different?”

  “I never thought you were a freak—just different. That’s why I like you. The others have always been afraid of you being unique. I never was. I’ve been trying to tell you that since our initiation.” He placed his hand on her cheek.

  Illiana did not know what to make of his statements. They touched a sore spot within her because she was unsure if he was telling her the truth. That was another reason she kept avoiding him: because he might be trying to play with her feelings. So many others had done that before. But Illiana stared into his dark eyes and saw the expression on Belik’s face. It seemed he was desperate and telling her the truth. His hand felt good on her cheek and stirred some long-buried emotions. Belik took her silence for an unspoken invitation and leaned in to kiss her. Once his lips touched hers, a current ran through her body that fanned the fire inside of her. He stepped closer and slipped an arm around her waist, resting it on the small of her back. The warmth of his hand heated her skin, but before she knew it, he had pulled away. The kiss had taken her by surprise and stolen the breath from her body. The wolf inside of her growled, but she was not sure what to make of that. The raven welcomed the embrace. Illiana touched her lips and looked at him strangely, trying to figure out why he had kissed her.

  “Why did you do that?”

  He smiled. “Isn’t it obvious? You are the most beautiful creature I have ever met. I’ve wanted to do that for a long time. To taste those luscious lips and feel you against me. I’ve dreamed about it for years. I know you don’t believe me, but it’s true.”

  “You’re right. I don’t believe you. You don’t come up to me until the initiation and then you’re out in the middle of the night following me. How long have you been following me? What do you know?”

  Belik put up his hands, ceding to her. “Whoa! All of those are valid questions. But also remember that I’ve been trying to get you to talk to me since the ceremony. You just never got back to me. Please, I understand your disbelief. My father never allowed me to fraternize with you because he thought . . . well, it doesn’t matter what he thought. I vowed whenever I was initiated into the flock I’d make myself known to you. After you left to join the wolf at the initiation, I swore to myself that I’d win your love. I went to your house for several nights and saw you slip away. I followed you to the sacred grounds. I’ve watched you these past few months, and you seemed to be searching for something. Tonight I saw the remarkable.”

  Illiana winced. No one was supposed to know other than her aunt. Knowing that someone knew her secret was a little off-putting, but it also made her feel a weight lift off her shoulders. It was nice to know that someone else knew, but she did not know what to make of his affections. She touched her lips again, and the warmth of his hand was burned into her back. She studied Belik. He was taller than her by almost a foot. His skin was pale, and he had ink-black hair that hung to his shoulders. He had no scars, save the brand they both bore, and had a sculpted chest that showed off his abs. She let her gaze go lower and settle on his semierect cock. A small smile curled her lips. The one problem about shifting was their clothes did not go with them. Belik was attractive, but she had never gazed at one of her own kind with any kind of attraction. It was as though she was seeing him in a whole new light and was not sure how to handle that. Her heart was conflicted because she wanted to go find Christopher, and now Belik had told her that he was in love with her. Could she feel something for him when her heart was already set on someone else?

  “What did you see?” she whispered and examined her hands.

  “You stepped into the fire. It didn’t burn you or catch your clothes. It wrapped around you, and it appeared that you were communicating with it. Not even the most devout priest can claim that. It was amazing, but there was something else.”

  “What else?”

  “You began to shift into something else. What were you changing into? Is that the reason why the others have always feared you?”

  She laughed, not believing what she was hearing. Illiana ran her fingers through her hair and cleared the leaves from it. “Feared me? Do you really know what it was like growing up in the flock with no friends and everyone making fun of me because I’m not perfectly skinny? Or hearing every time that I’m too big to shift and hearing how I’m dirty because my skin is darker than th
eirs or how I can fly without shifting? It’s . . . ”

  Belik caught her arm and held her in one spot. “I can’t tell you how it was growing up within the flock and how they tortured you. I never thought that way. Your abilities are amazing. I’ve always thought that. I could never tell you. I love how you look and the color of your skin; it’s like you were kissed by the sun. When the light hits your hair, it’s like it’s on fire from the red in it mixed with the purples and blue that our kind have. Please, Illiana, let me make you believe all of these things that I’m telling you.”

  “Belik, if you truly care for me the way you claim, then it’s only fair I’m truthful with you. It’s widely known I’m friends with one of the wolves.”

  “Christopher, the alpha’s son. Yes, I know.”

  She smiled. “Yes. I also have feelings for him. I have since I was a teenager. I realize you want me to fall for you, but I’ve never . . . ”

  He released her arm and cupped her cheek. She saw the sadness, but also the longing in his eyes. “I’ll wait for your heart to make up its mind, but let me try to win you in the process.”

  His offer was a genuine one. The thought of having someone love her blew her mind and also gave her a comfort she had never known. Her mother would approve. But could she love another when she never assumed she would give her heart to anyone else? Christopher had made it clear that he did not want her. He was supposed to be mated, but there was her whole other side. The wolf was part of her and had made itself known. Illiana was going to make sure she could take the shape of the other animal that resided inside of her.