Awakening the Wolf Read online

  He could not deny the pull he had toward her. It was similar to the one he had with Illiana. That magnetism had led him to continue their clandestine meetings in the woods. He had told Jalisa that he was out taking in the night air, but she knew something had been going on. All those times he had been meeting with the new wolf, he heard the caws of ravens in the trees and his mind had drifted back to Illiana. The same way it was now. His gaze traveled over the contents of his room and settled on the feather.

  Once he saw it, he growled. He shook his head. Illiana was behind him. There was no way it could work between him and her no matter if he could share her with the wolves. But why did his heart still break when he thought about her? Being with the woman tonight only made him wish that he was with her instead. All night he had been keeping an eye out for Illiana and assumed she would be at the gathering. As he searched the faces for the woman he loved, Christopher could not tell if she had been there because everyone had been behind a mask. Then Coret had told him about the new wolf he was looking for. Why had she done that? Ravens don’t get involved with wolf politics. Unless she’s just more perceptive than I know. I realize she’s a priestess, but how much has Illiana told her? What has she seen?

  Christopher grabbed the feather and stared at it. Tears burned his eyes knowing what he had done, knowing that he could never be with Illiana the way he wanted to be. Ever since he had admitted his feelings to himself about her, every time he had been with Jalisa it felt wrong, but he justified it because they were going to be mated. With this strange woman, he conceded it was pure lust and something else he could not describe. Something tugged on his insides like he should know what was going on with her. It was because of the strange appeal that he had gone to his father and asked him to think about accepting the lone wolf into the pack. His father had been against it at first, but after she bested Jalisa, he was open to the idea. Simian had said if she was strong, then maybe she could be an asset for the pack.

  Christopher was happy about that idea. Everything he had thought about was going to come to fruition. What she said tonight about wanting him could happen. He did not deny that he had thought about her for a mate. She was so different. Her fur had a blue-black sheen just like the gloss on Illiana’s feathers.

  A tear slipped down his cheek. He sniffled and wiped it away. He crushed the feather in his palm. Why couldn’t you be a wolf? Life would be so much easier if you were. Why does this have to be so hard?

  “You coming, son?”

  He half turned to glance at his father. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

  “Is everything okay? Are you having second thoughts about this initiation tonight? You were the one who bugged me about it, and the council has agreed. If she is as worthy as you say she is, then all should go well with the initiation.”

  “It’s not that. I can’t stop thinking about Illiana. Isn’t there some way . . . can’t I . . . ”

  “We’ve had this discussion before. You know it’s not possible. I know how much you care for the raven, but it goes against everything we are. You’re not the only one who has come to me with this dilemma, asking to be together.”

  “What did you do?”

  His father sighed. “I told them the same thing. It wasn’t conceivable for them to be together. If they did, then they had to leave the pack.”

  “Has that ever happened?”

  “Is that what you’re thinking? Leaving the pack so that you can be with Lelana’s daughter?”

  Christopher stood up and faced his father. He shook his head. “No, that isn’t what I was planning. I-I was just asking. Has it been done before?”

  The veins in his father’s forehead throbbed. His jaw clenched. “Fifty years ago. Before you were born. There was a couple. She was wolf, and he was raven. They came to me and asked to mate. It was forbidden. I gave them the option to leave the pack. They took it, going far away. I don’t know what happened to them after that. It was looked over because they were low on the social status. If you choose this, it would be looked upon horribly. Are you coming or not?”

  He nodded. “I’m coming. Accepting her into the pack will make it stronger. She is beyond anything I have ever seen. She’s amazing.”

  “We’ll see about that.” He left the room.

  Christopher opened his palm. A breeze blew scattered the remains of Illiana’s feather to the floor. As it did, so did his dreams of ever being with the woman he loved.

  Chapter Nine

  Illiana slipped into the shadows and headed to her aerie, praying her mother would not see her. In her room, she undid the mask and stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were black with a circle of silver in the middle of them as if the full moon had been captured. Her makeup was smeared and her hair tangled, but she still could not believe what had happened.

  “You look amazing.”

  Belik stood in her doorway. He was dressed in a black vest with loose black pants. His hair was braided at the sides and woven with raven feathers. Her heart hitched in her chest as he walked toward her. The raven in her cawed with joy at seeing him. Illiana kissed him while he touched her cheek.

  “You smell like the wolf. Were you with him?”

  “Yes.”

  “Did you tell him who you were, or did he guess with your mask on?”

  “No. Are you angry?”

  Belik held her face in his hands and stared a long time into her eyes. She waited to see what he would do. The silence between them stretched until it seemed that it would go on forever. Illiana bit her lip and prayed he would not abandon her. Instead he kissed her again, this time swiping his tongue across her bottom lip before plunging his tongue into her mouth and claiming them for his own. He kissed her long enough it seemed like she was going to be consumed. When Belik moved away, she had to take a moment to realize that he had stopped kissing her. Belik pulled one of the feathers from his hair and quickly wove it into hers.

  “What’s this for?”

  “So everyone will know that you’re my intended mate and so you won’t ever forget me.”

  She ran her fingers over the feather, feeling the silky smoothness of it. It tickled her palm. “I could never forget you, but you didn’t answer my question. Are you angry with me?”

  “No. I knew this was what you wanted. I’m coming with you to be sure that you’re going to be okay.”

  “If they figure out you’re there, they could hurt you. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

  He sighed. “There’s no arguing with that, but I want to be sure that nothing happens to you. Besides, I’ll be hidden in the trees. They won’t even know I’m there.”

  “All right. Thank you for all of this.”

  “I’ll let you get ready.”

  Illiana nodded, and he left the room. She undressed and washed quickly, making sure to scrub the makeup from her face. She might have fooled Christopher by hiding behind the mask, but she could not do it a second time. Her stomach twisted and turned. Illiana slipped her necklace on and braided her hair on the sides the way Belik had, the way that many of the other women and men had in the flock. If she was going to be herself, then she was going to embody the flock. She rubbed her pendant and wondered what her father would have done in the same situation. When he left her mother, did he have another family to go back to? Did he accept his dual nature, or was he drummed out of his clan? The more she learned about herself, the more she embraced both of her sides and the elements that lived within her—and the more she pondered what else she was capable of. “Wow. Look at you, all grown-up.”

  Illiana held in her frustration as she heard her mother’s voice coming from the hallway. Everyone was coming to visit her. She glanced out her window and saw the moon was coming to its apex. She could not stay to hash things out with her mother. “Now is really not a good time.” She left her room and tried to go past her mother, who grabbed her arm.

  “Is it true?”

  She threw up her hands. “Is what true?”<
br />
  “That you’re going to mate Belik? I spoke to his father, and he told me you two were intending to be mated.”

  A sigh of relief went through her. That was all she was talking about. “Yes. We’re going to be mated. I don’t know when, but soon I guess. I have other things to worry about at the moment.”

  Her mother touched the raven feather in her hair and glanced at the pendant that hung around her neck. “Your father would be proud of you.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me more about him, about who I am in the first place, so I didn’t have to grow up in the dark?”

  The other woman shook her head. “I never wanted you to be looked upon differently within the flock. I never meant for you to grow up hurting. Look, I know how much you love Christopher, but Belik is the right one for you. It’s time you look toward the future of your life.”

  Illiana knew her mother was trying to make her feel better. “I am looking toward the future. I love you, Mom.”

  “I love you, too, Illiana.”

  “Sometimes with me being different and you raising me on your own, I wasn’t sure because you never really showed it.”

  “I know I’m not the most affectionate person in the world, but sometimes balancing what was good for the flock and what was good for you overlapped. I might have come off too harsh. I never meant for you to get hurt. I am so proud of you. Well, I’ll let you get to wherever you are going.”

  She nodded and kissed her mother quickly on the cheek. Illiana rushed through the walkways and branches of the village until she was out of sight. She asked the wind to pick her up. Her bones lost their density, and she was lifted through the trees. It was faster to get her where she was going without shifting. The wind caressed her face, and she saw a raven flying next to her and knew it was Belik. Illiana came to the clearing where the pack gathered. She landed on one of the branches and saw Belik had settled a few trees over from her. Illiana smiled and saw him gesture with his wing down to the assembly of wolves. A large fire burned in the center of the meadow, larger than the one they had at the party. The moon hung above them at its zenith. The alpha and Christopher stood before an enormous tree that had symbols carved into it. She had never seen this before and wondered what it meant. The raven inside of her was pecking at her stomach, turning her insides out. This was the hardest thing she had ever done, even beyond facing the brand that initiated her into the flock.

  “Where is this lone wolf of yours, Christopher?” his father asked. “The moon is at its pinnacle, and we’re waiting for her. I’m beginning to wonder if your tales about her beating Jalisa are another ploy for you to string this pack along.”

  Illiana winced at hearing that. Christopher looked around, searching for her. “She’ll be here,” she heard him say.

  It was time. There was no way she could get around it. This was what all the secrecy and the sneaking around had been for. Once she revealed herself it would change everything, and she hoped her mother would understand. She prayed Christopher would understand. This was the miracle they had waited for. She was a wolf, and they could be together. He just had to want it. Belik cawed, signaling it was time. Illiana jumped from the tree branch into the shadows, and the wind softened her landing. Once she straightened her dress, she swallowed her fear and stepped into the clearing. The fire spirits within the blaze called to her and jumped several feet high. Some of the pack darted out of the way. She found a space between them and walked directly toward the bonfire. The heat of it reached out and licked her flesh, but she did not fear it. The whispers of the flames reached her ears, but she did not listen. Instead she asked the fire to separate for her and stepped directly onto the hot coals. The heat tingled her flesh, and it warmed her skin.

  “I’m here,” she replied, coming out of the fire.

  The disbelief on Christopher’s and Simian’s faces was priceless and made her smile, but she kept that hidden. Illiana held her head up high and felt her wolf work under her skin.

  “Illiana, what are you doing here?” Christopher stepped forward and put a hand on her arm.

  “You told me to come, remember?” She stared into his eyes and prayed he would finally realize she was the wolf.

  “This has to be a joke. Illiana, I realize you’re my son’s friend, but our celebration with the flock has ended. This is pack business,” Simian said.

  She backed away from Christopher and looked at the pack’s alpha. He was an older version of Christopher, with the same eyes and hair, only he was starting to go gray at the temples. “I understand this is pack business, Simian. I’m here because your son told me you wanted to meet the lone wolf he has been talking with. Here I am.”

  Simian stared at her and chuckled. “Darling, although I respect your mother being the flock’s leader, I don’t think she’d enjoy this little joke. It could cause some awful ramifications with our relationships.”

  “With all due respect, let me prove to you what I say is true. Don’t I at least deserve that right?”

  “Father, can you give me a moment with Illiana, please?”

  Simian looked between her and his son. Some of the other pack members were chuckling. Illiana knew what they must be thinking, what the alpha must be thinking, but this was the reason why she had come there to prove to them that she was telling the truth. To prove to them that she belonged with the pack as much as with the flock.

  “Fine. Sort this out before this gets nasty. Some of the wolves don’t approve of your relationship with my son. I have tolerated it because you were the only one he opened up to after his mother’s death. Do this quickly and let us return to our village.”

  Christopher grabbed her arm and dragged her into the shadows behind the large tree they were standing by. His eyes had turned amber. His nails had lengthened and pushed into her arm. She had never seen him so angry before. He growled so she saw his sharpened teeth. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

  “You invited me here, Christopher.”

  “I didn’t invite you anywhere.”

  She touched his face. “Yes, you did. You wanted a miracle. Well, we have it. We can be together.”

  “You’re insane. My father was right.”

  She slapped him, and that got his attention. “I’ve never lied to you. So don’t call me a liar. Think about it. We were together tonight a few hours ago, and you wanted to see my face. I’m wearing the same dress. No wolf in their right mind would go directly to your window without knowing you first. I’m not that stupid.”

  He stepped away. His expression told her he was putting the pieces together. Nevertheless, he still did not want to believe it. Illiana sighed and walked back to the pack. She untied the belt to her dress before slipping her necklace off.

  “Illiana, this really isn’t necessary. Let me send someone to get your mother,” Simian tried to cover her up.

  “I appreciate your concern, but you asked me to come here. Let me show you.”

  Simian gasped as she fell to all fours and her form changed into the black wolf. Illiana stood before the alpha werewolf. Christopher gasped and fell to his knees before her. He reached out and touched her head. She stared at him and cocked her head.

  “Do you believe me now?”

  The whole pack had gone silent. The fire chirped behind her. She could feel the fire spirits were happy, almost applauding.

  “How is this possible? Ravens don’t turn into wolves,” Simian whispered.

  “May I turn back now?”

  Simian nodded.

  Illiana slipped her dress back on and tied it. Last was her necklace. After that she faced the whole pack. She averted her eyes to show respect for the alpha, but Christopher’s face had paled. He shook his head and did not seem to believe what she had just done.

  “How is this possible?” Simian asked.

  “My father was two-natured. He had the ability to turn into a wolf and an eagle.”

  “I remember a wolf coming through here being wounded. Your healers were
the ones who fixed him up because ours was unavailable at the time. I was not pack leader at the time. Why are you now coming to us?”

  “My mother raised me without telling me about my heritage. The wolf has always been there. She wanted me to be normal and raised in the flock without anyone knowing. I didn’t discover this until the night of my initiation. I woke up on the coast.”

  “That’s over a hundred miles away,” Christopher blurted out. “You never told me that.”

  “You didn’t ask. At the time I didn’t know how I got there, but I’ve always known there was something else inside of me. I always saw silver eyes. When I finally spoke to my aunt about it, she told me what my mother wouldn’t. It took me a few months, but I learned to tap into the power of the wolf, and now I can control it.”

  “What about the fire? You walked through it without even being scalded,” another member of the pack asked.

  She turned and saw Jalisa. Her neck was still red from where Illiana had clamped down on it with her jaws. “I passed through the flames and gained control of the fire spirits.” She raised her wrist and showed it to Simian and the others. “This was the mark that I got. Fire is made of tiny spirits, and the bigger ones eat the little ones; all of them are vying for control for the fire until they burn themselves out. The air element has been with me for as long as I can remember.”

  The entire pack was quiet. She looked back at Christopher and silently implored him to understand how grueling this was for her. Now they could be together. She looked back at the alpha and saw him studying her.

  “Why do you want to become a member of this pack?” Simian asked.

  “So I can have a place in both worlds. I don’t want to hide what I am any longer. If I’m a wolf, then I don’t want the pack to think of me as a loner and decide to challenge me or think I’m a danger. It seemed the right thing to do.”

  He rubbed his chin. “We’ll have to discuss this. It’s a pack decision. Will you excuse us for a while?”

  “Of course.”

  Illiana walked into the woods and stared up at the treetops, searching the foliage for Belik. He was there somewhere, but she could not find him. At least he was safe. She did not know what the outcome of the pack was going to be. They could decide to kill her, not accept her, or make her one of them. Illiana found a tree, and the blaze had only become a dim light in the darkness. The moon above gave her some warmth, but even with the fire blazing in her veins, she was cold. She ran her fingers over her arms and tried to stay calm. Every possibility of what could happen ran through her mind. This was the time that she needed someone to hold her and tell her it was going to be okay. There was too much risk calling Belik, and Christopher still did not know what to make of her, she had seen it in his eyes. Although she had been surprised to hear a civilized tone from Jalisa when she asked about the fire. Maybe she had actually gotten through to the other wolf that she did not have to be a bitch to her. Illiana doubted they would ever be friends, but Jalisa had always seen her as a threat. I bet it’s still tough for her to believe that I was the one when she had always hated me so much.